How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
