You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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