I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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