from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this just has baby written all over it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
