Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
