I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
