I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Found the puke drawer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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