I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
