I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i would punch a child for taco bell
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
