if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
