i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
