if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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