he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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