were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
