she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
