she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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