I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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