Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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