i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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