You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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