please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
