My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
