I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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