R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize