oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I deserve this hangover.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
