I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
