I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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