that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
