Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
soo... how was my night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
