the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
