I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
