His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
