I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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