Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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