is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
