O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
