I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
