i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
