Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize