i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
