Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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