Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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