I wish I could punch you in the face.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
