after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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