the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
