Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
