i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
