I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
