Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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