i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize