Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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