i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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