I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize