made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
