either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
