So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am full of burrito and curiosity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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