She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
