New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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