I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
