So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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