i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
