I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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