I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
