whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
