You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
