What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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