you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
