I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
