i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
