if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
