go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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