He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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