Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
