She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
