Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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