In the future we'll all be gay
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
